Vicky Kelly’s Scrappy World

My Testimony of Faith

I have been a believer since my early 20s. I have been married to my sweetie since 1987. I knew that God was a fantastic God of miracles & I even have seen many over the years. But, I cannot say I was really living in any sort of joy. And, my marriage, what a shambles! I do think I married because I was afraid of being alone & the fairy tale idea appealed to me. I knew that I had love for my dh but a lot of time that was mixed in with resentment, sometimes dislike, & longing for more.
And, heaven? Yes, I had head knowledge that Heaven is an amazing place. But, I’d go to church, hear how wonderful it was & say to myself, but I don’t really LONG to go there. I’m glad I’m saved but I am not ready to go off to Heaven. The idea of worshipping God forever sounded nice but was not high up on my list of things to do.
Over the years we have gone to several churches. Last year the Lord took us to Fellowship Bible. I knew totally that we were home. We did have friends there who had left our previous church so that was nice. I have enjoyed serving there but did not get very involved & chose to sit back for a time. At about March of last year was when I learned of my dh’s discretions. I learned also that I was not that much of an ice princess as I had thought & it affected me far more then I ever imagined. Hurt, disbelief but yet I had an idea that this could happen. He had shut himself off to me so much & I had built up a wall to protect myself. Even when I applied for IT here I was struggling a bit. I felt still that I should apply. I knew my faith itself was strong, perhaps I was not really living in JOY itself but I have never stopped believing what Christ did for me. But, to protect myself I kept that wall up. I grew very cynical over the years & if I saw a sappy commercial or heard lovey dovey music I’d want to stick my finger in my throat ala 80s style (ya know “Gag me with a spoon” :laughs:).
Anyway, we found our current small group. The first time we went it was awkward but we decided to give it a chance. And, I now know the Lord brought us there to that amazing group of believers! I really can’t say I was growing very much all these years in church until we went to FBC. Then in small groups I really began to grow & could feel it.
Our group leader, a physician was driving to KC one day to speak at a conference & pulled over to take a page. Some doofus passed on the right & Dr. Wynne was hit from behind. He really should have died it was that bad. This happened last month & he is already at church, working pt on light duty. He truly is a miracle! This was an encouragement to me as we all prayed for him & watched God perform this miracle in the life of this sweet man. (to further read his family’s story head over here:  (update:  all of us are still just amazed at the greatness of God!  Alan still struggles with pain issues & lack of sleep but at the time of me updating this testimony, 4/1/2008, he is able to work half days & is back to teaching Sunday School, hosting our small group Bible Study group, & is at work as an Elder at our fabulous church, Fellowship Bible Church).
Now, this brings me to my 40th bday. I had nightmares the night before so was VERY tired the next day. My husband & I had really made some big strides in our marriage even just last month. I went through about a week or so that I just did not want to have much to do with him. He had pulled away & I let him. But, my birthday was an amazing day & I can pinpoint that day as the turning point in my life. We went to our therapy appointment & it was then that Tom really opened his heart up to me as he had not before. Afterwards in the car stirring began in my heart & I felt that “ice” begin to melt. Let me tell you this process is hard & somewhat painful! When I posted in the happiness thread about falling in love again with my dh I totally mean it has been like our dating before marriage only much richer. And, at around the same time I opened my heart up to the Lord. I am not sure which came first  perhaps they work together. And, I know this is real because let me tell you, even suffering from depression & anxiety before, I had not had anxiety quite like right after I had this transformation! Even today, after a fantastic church service, worshipping the Lord with so much Joy in my heart, I came home & fretted like crazy about everything. Picked a stupid fight with my dear hunny. Came to him later & told him I was ashamed. Another thing I found is that in opening myself up to feel again & to allow growth to occur in my walk with the Lord as well as Tom, I have also felt such sadness & remorse for how I used to walk into church with such a chip on my shoulder, not really liking to sing, not really wanting to worship. Believing but not wanting to do that sort of thing. The past week I just feel so thirsty & hungry to learn more, to grow. (update:  I am  happy to say that my longing & fire in my heart for the Lord has not subsided, if anything it has grown since November!)
That makes me so happy!
 Only the Holy Spirit could do this, to change me. I know I was a pretty nice, loving person before. But, I was not really living my life as the Lord wanted me to be, fully.


I will update on a new page about how the Weekend to Remember went.  I may even have my husband post a page about his views of the retreat.  It truly was a turning point in our commitment to each other as well as to God. 

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