Vicky Kelly’s Scrappy World

Vent about Having an Unpolitically Correct # of Kids

One thing you won’t catch me writing about very often is politics.  And, hot topics that create controversy, nope.

But, the subject of how many kids I have is a topic I feel the need to vent about once again. 

Now, the majority of people are very kind about it & say things like “wow, I can’t handle the two I have, you must be patient” & such things like that. 

It is when someone says (acting as if they were the very first person to ever say it & that it’s incredibly hilarious somehow) the following:

*don’t you know what causes that yet?

*maybe we need to introduce Tom to condoms (or fill in the blank with my name & refer to birth control).

*you need to get a t.v. (as if t.v. watching somehow means you are intimate less?  And, this implies that the person thinks that somehow my hubby & I are more active then average just because we’ve chosen to not prevent children from coming into our lives).

Normally I let most of this just go in one ear & out the other.  Lately though, perhaps due to the fact that I am more hormonal & pregnant then usual, it bugs me when someone thinks they are being unique or funny by saying such things.

I feel that there are some things that are very private.  I’d never think to ask someone who has chosen to NOT have children, why don’t they have more intimate time with their husband so they could conceive.  I don’t even bring it up.  I don’t understand those who choose to not have kids & can’t relate but I respect their decision as one that was probably thoughtfully made & is up to them.  It’s not for me to comment on & would be considered quite rude to bring it up over & over as if I’d invented the topic. 

And, should I go telling others that they perhaps ought to consider birth control?  No, I don’t even allow my own doctors or nurses to bring that topic up.  I consider myself to be educated, I am a licensed nurse & do know what birth control is, how to use it, side effects, etc.  I don’t have a college degree yet but I attended a university for a year, then spent a gruelling 10 months to become an LPN & continue to maintain my license often using the very same materials that many RNs use for certification.  The test that I had to sit through was extremely difficult.  And, in the area of life experience, well I have 10 kids!  Every time I’ve had a baby I’ve studied the topic of pregnancy, kept myself educated. 

Sad thing is that it’s not only those whom I consider to be close friends who sometimes ask these probing, none-of-your-business types of questions but it’s often strangers or acquaintenances.

Thankfully there are enough of those who know better then to not ask, they know we are not dumb people, we did not fall off of a turnip truck, we came to this decision with the help of God. 

We are not rich, but we are also not a welfare family.  We are not unlike many in this day & time.  We work hard for what we do have, I have also chosen to not give my kids every single thing in life, if it means us going into debt to get it, then it’s probably something they can wait for or earn.  There are needs, & they are different then mere wants.  Wants are nice, & the Lord has been so good to often give us beyond what we need. 

One of these days when I have more energy (30 weeks of pregnancy & I’m getting doggone tired!) I’ll share the basics of just how we do feed the family, how we keep track of things, how we manage life.  We are certainly not the Duggars (I don’t wear a dress, wear my hair super long, or homeschool, & I long to be organized but struggle with it) but we are US & that’s a good thing!

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  1. * TammyM says:

    I am sorry that you are getting faced with questions and comments like this. We, on the other hand, get the opposite because we DO homeschool, I DO wear my hair long, and I DO wear dresses/skirts but we only have 2 children. We would get asked, “Only 2??” or “Are you planning to have more?” When my youngest son died of a 3 month battle with cancer that has left us with only one child and so now people really look at us strange. It doesn’t matter if you have 1 or 20, unless you are just like them, people will talk, or raise an eyebrow. Good for you for allowing God to take control of your family!!!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  2. * Crystal says:

    I face similar rude comments only on different topics (for me it is cloth diapering, natural birth, breastfeeding, and homeschooling). It seems as if when you do something that is non-mainstream, everyone feels like it is there personal right and duty to comment on it…like they have the backing of the majority, so it’s alright. I have vented about this very thing many times. I would NEVER walk up to a woman feeding her baby formula and say, “I hope you have a medical reason for doing that, because breastmilk is better for your baby.” Yet people all the time feel the need to make comments on how my nursing my son is somehow detrimental to him (especially now that he is 16 months old and still not completely weaned)…it is so frustrating and I wish ppl would just mind their own business sometimes. Sorry you have to deal with those comments…

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  3. * Gloria says:

    I just want to hug you! Hang in there. We don’t have a large family (except by CA standards) – we have 3 dc. But we homeschool. All of them. Independently – meaning we don’t use an umbrella school or a public charter school or an online school or anything. I get so sick of the comments. This time of year is the worst with parties and lots of “small talk” to face. Why do people act like I woke up yesterday and said, “Think I’ll homeschool!”? This is year 10 for us. And we like homeschooling and and no I am not worried that my kids will be weird! You follow what God leads you and your dh to do and ignore the comments as best you can. Hugs again!

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago
  4. * Cathy Schellenberg says:

    10 kids? Wow – that’s cool. And especially cool b/c you feel it’s God’s leading. We had always planned to have 4 but got a very specific, almost audible word from God to stop at 3. I am all in favour of listening and obeying, whether you’re at 3, or 10, or more. Blessings to you! Merry Christmas.

    | Reply Posted 9 years, 6 months ago

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